quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize