Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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