Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
