Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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