I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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