At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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