it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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