Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
