what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
