how can u be prego again
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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