Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His nipple licking is glorious
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