Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
