I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
