I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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