can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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