Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
