MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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