last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
