i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
