think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
