I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
