i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
