don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
