Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
