I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
