I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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