just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
