just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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