Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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