finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
