Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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