For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
