We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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