I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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