i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
