So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
