plz talk dirty to me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
