Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
