You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
