i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
