her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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