At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
