I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This toilet bowl is my home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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