I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you made out with another girl for some wings
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
