When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
