Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
