Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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