It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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