i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
