: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
