I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.