its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.