Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously