I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.