The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.