I didn't shave. On purpose
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
