i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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