You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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