trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
