I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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