Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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