hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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