O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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