I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
