insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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