looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't deserve a penis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
