I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
