I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
