All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
