I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
