Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
