good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
