My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
