...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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