would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
