if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
