Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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